Mornings…

Standard

I’m not a morning person.  I’m not the nicest person until at least 9 a.m.  As a result, the husband usually gets up first thing with our kids.  It’s easier that way… for everyone involved.  I sleep until the very very last minute.  If I can avoid getting out of bed, I will. 

Once I’m up I run around like a crazy person trying to get ready for the day.  This includes my morning battle with Max, our adorably quirky English Springer.  We purchased Max two years ago after losing our first dog to cancer.  When we went to pick him up, he was the stockiest and friendliest of his litter.  Our daughter fell in love and he was coming home with us.  Things I never expected when buying him:

  1. He slobbers… ALL THE TIME.  I’m seriously considering asking our vet if we can have a saliva gland removed…
  2. He’s super super lovey and needy.  It’s crazy.  He can’t handle it if he’s not being loved.  Needs to have attention all the time.  I swear he rivals my 9 month old. 
  3. He’s a coward.  I am owner of Max the Cowardly Dog.  So much for a good watch dog… he hides behind our blind dog before he barks at intruders.
  4. He snores.  No… I mean he SNORES.  We’ll be watching a movie and he can drown out the sound.
  5. The difference he’s made for my blind dog.  Outside of the quirks, he’s the best seeing eye dog for our blind dog. 
  6. His absolute LOVE of snow.  Max the Cowardly Snow Dog.
  7. … and his love of strange food… for dogs.  I kid you not, the dog ate a raw potato in 10 seconds flat…

Every morning I get up and make my daughter’s lunch.  Usually this includes a jelly sandwich cut into random shapes using my cookie cutters.  Meanwhile, Max is literally sitting on my feet grunting for food.  This is his way of begging.  He looks up at me with those sad eyes and expects me to melt.  Instead I’m constantly yelling at him.

“Max, go on!  I’m trying to work here.  No this isn’t yours.  Off.  Out you go.  Out of my kitchen. Go to bed Max!”

He just looks at me like ‘Yeah sure Mom… You’re going to give me that crust… You know you are.”  Sadly he’s right but not without bickering with him a little first.  Once I’m finished packing her lunch, I toss Max his crusts.  Weird dog I swear.

The rest of the morning I spend trying to avoid the little goober.  See he’s a tri-colored Springer.  Why is this a problem you ask?  Well… simply put, he toasts my clothes every day.  I get that I made the choice to have dogs and it’s just part of being a pet owner, but if I can keep SOME of his hair off me, I try.

Yesterday morning was a little more chaotic than usual.  Our routine was much like normal except the husband dropped off our daughter at daycare and I stayed home with our son.  The 9 month old had an appointment with our doctor to have his ears checked.  So I got to spend an extra hour avoiding Mr. Drooling Shedding Cowardly Snow Dog.

When I finally took the two seconds to get dressed it was quick.  Throw on clothes, grab kiddo and head out the door.  It really is the best way to avoid the drooly shedding dog.  I loaded my son up in the car and headed for the doctor.  By the time we finished with the doctor I could tell my clothes just weren’t sitting right.  I wrote it off to just being ‘one of those days’. 

I dropped my son off at daycare and realized I forgot he needed more diapers there.  Ran home, grabbed the diapers, dropped them off and headed off to work.  While doing the morning debriefing with my coworkers I went to put my keys in my pants pocket… Something was definitely not right.  It took me a good two seconds to figure out what…

In the chaos of my morning, I had seriously put my pants on backward. 

Did I mention, I hate mornings??

Max - Only picture I really have ... he's afraid of the camera...

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2 responses »

  1. Oh my dear God…that is literally the funniest thing I have heard all day…probably all week and thanks to you I have mascara running all the way down to my chin!!!! BAHHAHAAHAHA

    • 🙂 I’m glad you think it was funny… I certainly cracked up when I discovered it. Thank GOODNESS no one else noticed… at least if they did they didn’t say anything.

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